I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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