respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
