4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
