im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
