What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
nutella sex= disaster
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
