the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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