Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
