some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
how does that bad decision feel?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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