This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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