Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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