i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
