i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
