and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
