Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
