he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
