You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
