Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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