I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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