I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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