I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
