Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
sarcasm needs its own font
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
