i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize