found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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