This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
