I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
