Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
