I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
