O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
