I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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