You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
