If that was your dad, he is hot
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
