come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
