All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize