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• (847): View more from Illinois

  i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago

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• (406): View more from Montana

  Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.

  (1-406): View more from Montana

  Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs

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• (817): View more from Texas

  I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."

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• (716): View more from New York

  dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  giving yourself 2 days to recover i see

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.

  (1-727): View more from Florida

  Please never have kids.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.

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• (650): View more from California

  YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual

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• (817): View more from Texas

  Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?

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