Your tits are I can't wait for
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
