wanna go halves on a baby?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
