Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You made out with two different species that night
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize