and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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