a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You've changed since you got that strap on
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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