I wish I only lived at night.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
