she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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