I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
