Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize