It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
