did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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