saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
