First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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