I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He's on the porch naked. Help.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
