I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize