So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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