hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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