I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
