the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I need to sanitize my soul.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize