he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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