Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
