i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
