its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
