I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
