Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it

Fav 10 1317 881
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(954): View more from Florida

Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?

(787): View more from Puerto Rico

No, it just says ur easy

Fav 22 1309 1938
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(707): View more from California

He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good

Fav 19 5752 1384
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(914): View more from New York

im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl

Fav 15 1151 5290
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita

Fav 4 1857 998
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(772): View more from Florida

I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away

Fav 6 1187 722
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(915): View more from Texas

My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.

Fav 8 889 1741
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(913): View more from Kansas

I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.

Fav 2 173 138
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(479): View more from Arkansas

I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.

Fav 0 43 7
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