I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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