I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
