And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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