then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
