So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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