Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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