he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
