i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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