your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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