we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize