i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
