The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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