covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize