I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize