Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
