If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
