for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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