as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
