i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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