Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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